“So, what’s with the guinea pigs?” 

Listen. I wasn’t informed that when I turned thirty I would become a lifelong guinea pig caregiver (not an owner, we all know who actually owns who when it comes to these furry potatoes), but I honestly could have anticipated it. I grew up always having a dog or two in our house, as well as a few cats here and there, also an occasional lizard. Ever since I was given a 10 gallon fish tank during the holidays as a kid, the gateway to pocket  pets was open for business. Hamsters of every breed, mice, gerbils, etc could be found in my possession. 

However, the first guinea pig that I ever had somehow ended up becoming a member of the household the summer after I finished kindergarten… after I had volunteered to pet sit over the holiday break. I’m sure my dad was thrilled. 

I also distinctly remember trying to convince my parents when they were house shopping to buy the one that had a guinea pig cage in one of the rooms, an absolute  fuzzball.

All of this to say, in my best Marge Simpson impression: I just think they’re neat. 

Guinea pigs originate from South American countries like Ecuador, Peru, Bolivia, and the mountainous Andes region. They belong to the Caviidae family which is part of the order Rodentia.

TDLR: Chonk-ass rodents? Yes. From New Guinea, or pigs? No.

Gizmo + Pennywise, a pair of bonded females (“Best Friends”) were the very first two piggies I adopted from a rescue.

Gizmo/Gizzie/Giz-Giz was an American breed, and despite being the dominate one of the two, she had the sweetest temperament. She loved to sit in your lap, cuddle, eat whatever snacks were given to her, and, occasionally piss on whoever was holding her without any warning. Pennywise/Penny was a Teddy breed, and had the appearance of always looking startled. She eventually became a love-bug and appreciated nose scritches with her cuddles.

Shit I learned: Breeds. There are loads of them, so here is a pretty solid list from Oxbow.

Other shit I learned, Habitat Requirements:

1. The minimum cage size requirements for one guinea pig: 7.5 sq ft, or slightly more if possible. For two, three, and/or a haram? Here is some more info on cage size requirements.
2. The first habitat I purchased was the Living world Deluxe , which worked well for Gizmo and Pennywise, and is a great option if a top for the cage is needed. Later on, I purchased a few Midwest Plus habitats, which are decent for having the option of no top, and you can modify the cage to have a ramp, divider-usually used for a “kitchen” area (where they eat and poop), or can be just open. Another popular option is to use C&C grids, usually with coroplast to create your own habitat. You can purchase everything separately, but here are a few examples via Guinea Dad.
3. What NOT to get: Cages that have wire bottoms, any type of tank-they need lots of oxygen to breathe and to prevent URI’s. Rabbit hutches are *sometimes* okay, but be sure to make sure that they are wide enough, no stairs or steep ramps, have good air-flow, etc. (they often don’t meet these requirements).
4. Water bottles and toys: At least one water bottle per pig, some pigs can use bowls-mine have always just flipped them over. A lot of them leak, there are “leak proof” ones that are somewhat better. Be sure to clean them out with a thin bottle/straw brush. There are a lot of toys available at Pet shops, however, a lot of them are not actually fit for piggies. Here is a great list of what to get and not to get. Most of mine are super into beating the shit out of paper towel/toilet paper cardboard rolls. The stick huts have also been a hit in the past. You’ll also want cuddle cups, hidey huts, etc. for them, again, at least one per pig. They will get pissy.
5. Bedding: Fleece that can be wicked (washed enough so that water/piss can run through it) with an absorbent layer under it. I have used simple pads from Amazon, moving blankets, old jeans, whatever works and is washable. You’ll need to spot-clean daily and then a deep clean 2-3x per week or even daily depending on how much poop you are dealing with. I just use white vinegar and water to clean the bottom of the cage and the hidey huts. You can also get paper bedding, just avoid any of the wood shavings or anything scented. It’s bad news bears for them.

Behold: Gizmo and Pennywise, Princesses of Doom.

Odin, aka Odie, aka Chonk-Boi, was the next to join the piggie clan. Unbeknown to me until a few years later, he was %100 blind. He was also an American breed, and he loved his cuddles.

Food facts? Food facts!

1. What can guinea pigs eat? An entire unit of Timothy Hay every 2-8 hours, as well as your face in your sleep if you’re not fast enough at getting them said hay. They also really need hay pellets (Oxbow and Kaytee have solid selections), leafy greens, and basically a cup or so of fresh fruit/veggies per day. They can’t have any seeds or fruit/veggies that might cause them to choke (they really love food, so, these fuckers eat fast). Too much calcium is also not great, so probs not kale on the daily. To make things easier, here is a fantastic list from Vet4lifeUK.
2. GPs should not have ANY treats that contain yogurt, or, look like bird seed. Broccoli and celery should be chopped very very tiny so that they do not choke. Also, despite that they are casually called Raw Food Vegans, they can’t eat your neighbors delicious homemade cashew cheese. No matter how much they scream for it.
3. High sugar natural sugar treats like carrots, cherries (no pits), blueberries, apples etc. should be fed in moderation. I am not in ANY way shape or form to be sponsored by Oxbow, but, they are the OP with treats/hay/etc.

Odin, the most cuddliest bby boi <3

Annabelle was an American guinea pig, who unfortunately had A LOT of health issues. Didn’t change the fact that she was the most adorable, adventure piglet in existence.

Unfortunately, Annabelle did not get along well with Pennywise after Gizmo passed. Guinea pigs are in fact, herd animals, however, not every individual piggie needs to be bonded.

To bond two piglets that have not been previously bonded, there are many steps and options. Here are a few:

1. When attempting to bond guinea pigs, it is best to place their habitats next to each other for a couple of days so that they are used to the scent and sounds of each other. The next step would be to create a floor-space introduction with equal amounts of food/hay piles/water/hidey huts/toys. There will be some chasing, some “rumble strutting” (weird freak ass guinea pig chatter noises), and nipping/humping. All of this is normal, because they are establishing who is the dominant piggie. If there even is one.
2. When does it get bad? If they fight-fight. Not one piglet little head being raised higher than the other, but full-on fighting. If blood is drawn, separate immediately. At this point, be prepared to just have them living in separate habitats.
3. If they don’t eventually become bonded, the best bet is to just keep their habitats close to each other to hear/smell and acknowledge that there is another piggle close by.
4. Single vs groups: Despite what everything on the internet tells you (demands for you to believe) that guinea pigs *need* to have a cage-mate. Not all of them do. Some piggies will never be able to bond right off the rip. Some never bond at all. Some bond, then then one passes and they never want to bond again. Sometimes, one of the bonded pair passes and they can only get along with a baby or elderly cage-mate.

Annabelle, the adventure pig!

Lola was my first introduction to Abyssinian guinea pigs, and, the nickname for this breed “Abby-tude” is %100 correct. The world was Lola’s, I was just living in it.

1. I was gifted Lola through a friend of a friend, and she was five years old when she came to me. I would have NEVER told her this, but, at five, Lola was considered an elderly guinea pig. She needed a little bit of special care, but, would still run circles around my younger piggies. Literally.
2. Older guinea pigs need a little extra TLC. There are joint support treats that I fed Lola once per day and found to be very helpful. Vitamin C treats in case they are unable to get enough of it in their diet in their old age (they can get cranky and refuse everything). Coconut oil is *top tier* for the hairless ones for when their skin needs help with moisturization. Also, older boars can run into impact; soft feces and waste build up in the anal or perineal sac because weak muscles prevent normal elimination. Which leads to having to put a safe oil like coconut on the area, and gently pressing to help release the buildup. Very sad, and gross but not their fault.
3. Young guinea pigs also need a few extras! Alfalfa hay is a great way to get extra calcium and energy to younger (and pregnant!) piggies. Getting them to eat fruits and veggies is very essential at this stage, they will refuse to eat some, but, like most toddlers; keep offering.

Lola, the tiniest and mightiest!

Barnabas came to me via an old coworker. Their child lost interest, the parents did not want to look after him anymore, as happens in a lot of cases of re-homing. Unfortunate? Yes. However, the entire goal of this blog post is to help educate before taking one of these potatoes home.

1. That being said; lets talk about adoption! Most big-chain pet stores will have these little shits, and they will most likely be babies. I prefer to adopt via rescue (or by everyone thinking that I am the crazy guinea pig person of Detroit and just sending them my way) however, I am not %100 against pet stores. A lot of the big chains host pop-up adoption events through local rescues, which to me is pretty cool. I would rather try to give a piggie who is a little older a new home, however, I have had two from pet stores that I could not have imagined not having in my life.
2. Back to Barnabas! This guy came to me looking like a god damn porkchop. He was pretty healthy for the first few years that I had him, then one day I noticed some behavior changes. How to tell if your potato is sick? A lot of sneezing, moisture (snot) coming out of the nose, strange breathing, lack of energy, change in eating habits, discharge in the eyes, to name a few. I won’t get into every illness I have encountered, however, the most important thing to remember is that they are prey animals. They will do everything to hide that they are sick, which is annoying as fuck. However, inspecting their nose/eyes, monitoring eating habits, and routine vet visits are all super fantastic ways of staying on top of things.

Barnabas Teddy Bear Collins! AKA Porkchop.

Uchi and Nagi were my very first experience with skinny (hairless) piggies, and, like every guinea pig I have taken in, I immediately fell in love.

1. “Skinny pigs” (more formally, The House Hippo) might look smol due to their lack of fluffiness, however, their care isn’t much different. They will run cold compared to their hairless brethren, therefore they will eat more…and therefore create more shit for you to clean up.
2. Heat and cold tips for guinea pigs in general: They like the warm, however, they can overheat. In warmer months, frozen water bottles placed in a sock are a great help! Piggies are unable to consume ice as it leads to bloating and can cause health issues. Ceramic tiles in their habitats are great for them to plop on in the warmer months as well. In the colder months; lots of fleece, extra hay, and heating pads are a life saver. How to tell if they are too hot/cold? Behavior changes are key, however, I tend to assume if I or everyone else in the house are hot/cold, the pets probably are too.

Nagi outlived Uchi by a few years, in fact, Nagi was approximately six years old when she passed. She also became my heart-pig. She was with me when I moved into my studio apartment after a series of difficult events, was present when I fell in love with Dave, and went on many adventures with me. She was a fearless guinea pig, never really afraid of other animals, loved, and I mean LOVED her veggies, and would gladly chill in her cuddle cup for hours. Even if it meant holding her little butt out of it so she could piss on our table. Yes, it happened on more than one occasion. Nagi, the most chill yet bravest of piglets.

When Nagi passed, I had a hard time trying to figure out what I wanted to do as far as piggies went. I had already brought home an axolotl- along with a 60 gallon tank, so space was a bit limited. I eventually had the overwhelming need to fill the piggie void in my life, so I convinced Dave to poke our heads into our local Petco. My rule was that if there was just one pig, all alone, we’d take it home.

Anyways, here’s Heimdall. He is a mixed breed, but, %100 pure crackhead. He literally chases the cats, screams for zero reason, likes to parkour on the couch/bed, and has bougie taste in produce. I would die for him.

Heimdall is a solo pig! That might change in the future at some point, however, he seems to be pretty content being an only pig-child.

1. Floor time: so it’s obvious that these chonks need to be chonky to be healthy, however, they do need to move their incredibly short legs around. Having designated floor time can be the best help! I tend to let Heimdall get his zoomies out on the bed/couch, however, having a large floor space clear of anything that they might be able to injure themselves with is a great option. I have used small pens and layers of old blankets in the past. Small, inflatable pools are a great option too.
2. Lap time: Some pigs are more apt for attention, others just aren’t. Having them out, on your lap with a blanket is a great way for them to get used to their hooman’s scent/voice/etc. Also, PIG CUDDLES.
3. Why is this little shit licking me? When they are comfortable with their people, guinea pigs sometimes will try to groom them by licking. Heimdall seems to think that he is grooming when he includes a few nips, however, as mentioned; crackhead. They also will “pancake” during lap time/cuddles, as well as popcorn (younger piggies mostly) when excited, and, it is god damn adorable.
4. Pig noises: there are quite a few of them. Wheeking, which is the loud noises that most folks tend to associate with guinea pigs, is actually just a noise they make for humans aka: anytime they hear the fridge open/a bag crinkle. They will rumble-strut when trying to assert dominance, chitter when annoyed or agitated, and occasionally, they purr. The biggest clue will be their body language: are they annoyed/scared? Probs will be tense and vibrating. Are they content? Calm/cuddles/pancake mode are clear signs.

Heimdall, the Sprocket Tribble. We also occasionally refer to him as Lounge Pants.

Lastly, I wanted to conclude this long-ass blog post about guinea pigs that no one asked for with even more links to cool shit.

There are LOADS of guinea pig advice and help groups on Facebook, however, The Happy Cavy Support Group has always been my favorite. Admins and members give help and support to the best of their knowledge (and quite a few KNOW their shit) without judgment. 10/10 recommend.

I know that these next few will not be of any help to those outside of Detroit/Metro Detroit let alone Michigan, but for the rest of you, here you go!

Exotic Vet Rec: Parkway Small & Exotic Animal Hospital – I have been going to them for years and they are solid. They also provide service doggos and cats! 10/10

Furget us Not is a great rescue for adoption, as well as the Cozy Cavy Guinea Pig Rescue.

And now for some transparency: I had written this post out in its entirety back in February. WordPress, as best as I can explain it, ate the post and it was gone-gone. I spent months creating a layout, trying to find my voice, as well as the motivation to write all of this out again. This is the longest blog post I have ever written, and I almost chucked it several times. However, I have had these little bastards in my life for years, through so many life changes, that there was a lot to unpack. Seeing all of these old photos are extremely emotional, but I wouldn’t change it. I fully believe that I will have guinea pigs in my life for my entire existence, and, hopefully one day I will have the means to do something bigger to help them have amazing lives, and to help humans understand these little creatures.

In the meantime, this extra ass blog post is what I’ve got.

Until next post

📍Detroit, MI.

Sara Bellum